There is something I know about pain and that is this: it is hard to carry. Pain, whether it is physical, mental or emotional, is weighty. It bears down on you like a great burden that slows you down and takes away your quality of life. It demands your attention and brings about this tiredness you feel deep down in your soul. It can be very hard to find relief from pain. Pain can draw you into a different reality, a place of darkness and despair, like you’re lost at the bottom of the ocean. You can’t breathe, you can’t see. This is when hopelessness takes root.
I had a dream once
In this dream I was aware of great suffering. I saw pain and grief as a plague that bound and connected us all. People were standing in rows, with arms linked like a chain. Suffering was what connected us, and each person was used in bringing the next person down. When a “chain” was completed, I saw another one form, and the cycle would start over again. This was a grand attack from the enemy of our souls, and it was evil. In this dream I broke away from the chain and collapsed to the ground on my back. I believed God was with us and He loved us, so I began to cry out for mercy. I wept and wept and begged Him for help and deliverance. In my heart the pain was so intense that I wanted to scream, “why don’t you save us from this?!!” I was tempted to be angry towards God for the suffering, but I knew others were looking at me as an example, so I kept it in. After some time, I got up and looked around. I could see that this evil that had come upon us was now coming out of us. The enemy’s plan was to destroy our faith, and it was working. I ran around looking into everyone’s hearts and saw that there was no more faith. Astonished, I would point at a person’s heart and yell, “you have no faith”! Or “you have no hope!” The evil in our hearts caused the evil in this world to spread.
There is no doubt that times have gotten more difficult. Everyone, everywhere, is struggling deeply with something. This is part of a great shaking, the greatest shaking the world has ever known! God is preparing us for the end time battle between light and darkness. This battle was promised to us in scripture. Let us not sit on the sidelines waiting for this shaking to end, because it will not. Instead, let’s rise and fight the good fight of faith!
The enemy of your soul is trying to convince you that God is not good. It is the enemy who comes to steal, kill and destroy. Jesus comes to give life. Yes, God is allowing us to go through this. Yes, God is not instantly delivering us from pain. He is still good. God is still good. You cannot take my word for it though. Every person’s faith will be tested; every person must decide for themselves if God is good. God knows there is gold inside of us and He alone knows how to purify that gold and use it for His glory. We must always remember that His ways are much higher than ours.
God tells us in His word that our faith will be tested by fire. He said we will have great tribulation in this world. He tells us peace will be taken from us. But He also said that He will be by our side, and that He will be our peace. He said He will teach us, lead us, heal us and deliver us. He said He would give us rest. He is the author and perfector of our faith. He is faithful and He will complete the work He started in us.
An absolute must for healing – to grow stronger in faith and closer to God – is a deep surrendering to Him in the things we don’t understand. There is a cry inside of us for justice – justice for all that the enemy has taken, and justice for the things God has allowed. In the depth of my pain, I have felt my will cry out against Him, but I have learned that He requires me to surrender it all. He requires me to let go of the very things I have against Him: all my reasons for not feeling safe, my reasons for not feeling strong enough, and my long overdue unanswered prayers. The very things that cause me to put up a “wall” of protection from Him. The things that cause me to feel abandoned by Him. The thought that He loves His other children more than me because He has delivered them and not me.
When I’m hurting and I come to Him, I want answers. I want Him to address my distress; I want healing now. But there are times when He won’t say a word. His presence is there for comfort if I want it, but I must be willing to lay aside my needs, which are great. In that moment, that’s when I must decide if He is worth it. Do I trust Him? Does He love me? Is He who He says He is? Do I believe in His promises? Even if I never get my answer or healing until I am in Heaven, am I still willing to walk with Him?
This is the process He takes us through to build up our faith. If I choose to trust Him, then I make room for Him. He can do the deep work He needs to do to form me into who He wants me to be. When I make room for Him, I receive His love. His love for me and His kindness and gentleness towards me renew my strength. He gives me faith to hold on a little longer. He becomes more tangible in my life, the reality of Him. He really is so beautiful. There is no one like Jesus. There is no love like His.
I understand struggle. I have been walking as close as I can with God for twenty years now. I have suffered because of the choices I made before I knew Him, and I have suffered at the cost of walking with Him. My faith has been tested. I have walked through the dark night of the soul. I still believe He is good. I wouldn’t know Him the way I do without the pain. So, I am thankful for it. Therefore, I will do as the scriptures say and “lift my drooping hands and strengthen my weak knees, and make straight paths for my feet, so that what is lame may not be put out of joint but rather healed” (Heb12: 12-13). I will “press on towards the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus” (Phil 3:14) because I know that “after a little while, the God of all grace, who has called me to His eternal glory in Christ, will Himself, restore, confirm, strengthen and establish me.” (1 Pet 5:10).
Look up these verses to study: 1 Timothy, 6:12, Revelation 16:16, Hebrews 12, Hebrews 11:6, Proverbs 17:3, Isaiah 55:8-9, 1Peter 4:12, John 16:33, John 14:27, John 10:7-18, Matthew 11:28-30, Isaiah 40:31, Philippians 1:6, 1 Peter 5:6-11, Romans 9:20, Philippians 3:7-14
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